There are hundreds - if not thousands! - of books about being a parent, and dealing with children of different ages. Everyone will have their own ideas about which ones are most valuable, but, as a starting point, here are the ones I have found most helpful over the years.For books specifically dealing with home education, look at my home education books page.

The books listed on this page cover the topics of communication, discipline, and personalities. You can find many of them in your local bookshop, or can order them online, new or used, at one of the bookstores such as Play.com or Amazon UK, or (second-hand only) from Abebooks UK. You may, even if you're in the UK, find some books less expensively at Amazon USA, despite having to pay postage costs, now that the US dollar is so weak compared to sterling. The pictures and links below are for Amazon UK.

For basic child-care covering just about everything from preparing for the birth to age 5, Penelope Leach's 'Your baby and child' is excellent. An older edition of this was my manual when my children were small! I found myself dipping into it to read a few pages nearly every day.

I didn’t agree with every word - for example I don’t believe in leaving a small child to cry at night - but the list of medical symptoms and advice were invaluable. I particularly liked, too, a useful section with suggestions for activities, craft ideas etc.

But most of all, I liked the encouragement to be myself, to trust my instincts, and to spend time with my baby.



Books about communicating with children

Most of my favourite books about parenting are by Ross Campbell, an American Christian writer.

Rather than dealing with discipline as such, he looks at the reasons why some children behave in an anti-social manner. He talks about the ‘emotional tank’ which can become drained through serious problems such as neglect or bullying, or simply from lack of positive attention. He describes ways in which parents can start to listen to their children and spend time with them in positive ways.

'How to really love your child' is perhaps his best-known classic; 'How to really love your angry child' was originally entitled 'Kids in Danger' and focuses on children who seem to be in a temper all the time.  If you have older children, his book 'How to really love your teenager' has similar ideas appropriate for this age-group.

These books were written many years ago, but have remained in print in the UK and USA most of the time, and have recently been reprinted yet again in both countries - a testament to their success.  If you only buy one book about parenting, I would recommend one by Ross Campbell.

A helpful book about sibling rivalry is 'Siblings without rivalry' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. 

This book looks at reasons why brothers and sisters squabble, and suggests ways that parents can deal with this, often by encouraging the children to think in a new way about their differences. 

These authors have also written 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.' This book helps parents to stop and listen to what their children are actually trying to say, and to communicate without nagging.  I found it extremely useful when my sons were about seven to ten, and it saved many big arguments. 

For those with older children, the same authors have also written 'How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk'.


Books about discipline

If your child knows he is loved, and has plenty of attention (which tends to happen in home education anyway) but you are still having battles or behavioural problems which are causing stress in the family, you might like to read one of Kevin Leman’s books.

'Making children mind without losing yours' is one of the best books on general discipline that I've ever read - and his suggestions mostly work! He bases his theory of 'reality discipline' on sound principles of motivation and teaching responsibility as the child grows up. He stresses the importance of unconditional love and flexibility above everything.

My only slight problem with this author's books is that his methods can become a bit manipulative or coercive, if used rigidly without family discussion and agreement.  

Leman writes from a Christian perspective but the suggestions he makes could apply to anyone. Another of his books, 'Bringing up kids without tearing them down' is also excellent, and deals particularly with teenage problems. He gives a lot of anecdotes from his own family of 5 children, 2 of whom were at college when he wrote the book. His style is easy to read and often humorous.


Books about different personalities in children

Kevin Leman has also written books about birth order, and how children's characters may be affected by their place in the family. 

For instance, in 'The birth order book' he cites eldest children who start their life with only adults around, and frequently develop responsible attitudes to younger siblings. He looks at marriages between adults from various birth order places within their family and possible tensions that may arise as a result.

I didn't agree with everything he had written in this book - I think he over-emphasises the role of birth order, and ignores inbuilt personality traits and also  differences in parenting and childhood circumstances.  Nonetheless, there are some fascinating insights and also warning signs for parents not to treat their youngest child (for instance) as a special princess, ignoring the needs of older children.

For an alternative look at different personalities in children, an excellent book is 'Nurture by Nature' by Paul D Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. 

This book is based on the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator, looking at how different children develop, and ways that parents can begin to understand and help their children. Further information about this can be found at my article 'Understanding Personality Types'.

Since there are sixteen different personality types listed, you might think it rather a waste to buy this book if you have only one child, or two with similar personalities.  But it's a fascinating read, which may give insights into your own childhood, and can help you understand other children who are very different from your own.

'Families and how to survive them' by Robin Skynner and John Cleese is a remarkable book, putting current psychiatric practice and research into layman's terms. 

Written as dialogue between Cleese and his therapist (with a few touches of Cleese humour) it outlines the basic stages a child has to go through to reach adulthood with emotional health.  I found the style slightly irritating when I began the book, but was soon so encouraged and inspired by the insights that it worried me no longer.  

The sequel to this, 'Life, and kow to survive it', is written in similar style, but looks more at what emotional health is and why we behave like we do. It examines religious behaviour from a non-Christian perspective, but with some thought-provoking comments about some Biblical commandments and principles.


For children with mild learning difficulties

If your child has special needs, you will probably already have resources to help. However there are two books which, although I have not read them myself, are highly recommended by other parents, particularly some home educators.

If your child has poor attention span or seems hyperactive, a helpful book that examines the whole spectrum of attention deficit disorder (ADD) is 'Right-brained Children in a Left-brained World' by J Freed and L Parsons. 

There's also a very encouraging and positive book that deals with dyslexia and related disorders.  It's called 'The gift of dyslexia' by Ronald Davis.

And finally... if you simply think your child is over-active, or over-emotinal, or unusual in any way, but don't think he or she has anything seriously wrong, you might be interested in my article 'Attention Defecit or Highly Spirited'.  

An excellent book which covers this topic in a lot of detail, that I found encouraging and very inspiring is  'Raising your spirited child' by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Further reading on this site:

Raising bookworms
home education and gifted children
discipline
parenting theories
books about home education