Do you ever feel discouraged when you read a book about other families whose children learn at home? Do you find articles in magazines or online put you off the idea of home education, because it all seems so complicated, expensive and time-consuming?
Home education isn't always perfect
Books and articles about home education can be inspiring and helpful, but they do tend to focus on the successes, and gloss somewhat over the problems. It's most encouraging to know that autonomously educated (or 'unschooled') children go on to have good livings and fulfilled lives, but do we know just how autonomously they were educated from the start? How many bad days did their parents have along with the enthusiastic ones? How much parental input/guidance was there alongside the child-led learning? How many days dragged along with the children fighting, or wishing they could go to school?! If this is how you're feeling, I'd recommend browsing a few home educators' blogs to see what typical days really are like. These are usually pretty honest about bad days and frustrations!
Equally I read descriptions of families following formal curricula in a rigid way, where everyone seems to have a wonderful time and get along with each other... and find myself wondering how many days were actually filled with squabbles and children bored by the workbooks! It's good to know when families do enjoy using a specific curriculum, which children find inspiring - but how helpful is this to those who have little extra money to spare for such courses, or whose children rebel against writing or structure?
Just starting home education?
If you've got this far, you probably know that home education is legal. You know that thousands of families do it, and find it helpful. You know that home educated students are usually welcomed at most colleges, and that they do not (contrary to popular opinion) have any difficulty making friends or being sociable. If you're not so sure how home educated teenagers can fit into the world like normal human beings, have a browse through some home educated teenagers' sites. You can probably see the advantages of home education, and may be worried about the possible problems - which, all too often, are not mentioned in enthusiastic books.
So try to take an objective look at your family. Your situation is not the same as any other family in the world. Your children's abilities (and problems) are unique. You may want to ask questions of other families once you have got started, but right at the beginning the important thing is to think about your own children's specific needs and interests. Reading about people's day-to-day lives can let you know that it works, but you don't have to do anything that they do.
If your children are avid readers, there's no point worrying about a 'reading program' - just take them to the library and let them loose. If they write computer programs, you can forget about 'IT skills' or 'computer literacy', and you won't need to worry too much about maths either. Your children will absorb these things and ask questions as they need the answers.
Reading problems?
Perhaps more surprisingly, you also don't need to worry too much if your children CAN'T read, or add up. Certainly not if they're under the age of about 10. Too often children are put off anything remotely academic by poor teaching or unsuitable programmes, and will learn the skills they need when given the chance to find their own motivation.
An eight-year-old home educated child may have no need to read because he is learning all he wamts to know from conversation, from daily life, and from hearing his parents read aloud. By the time he is 11 or 12 he will want more independence; with good modelling he will almost certainly want to read for himself, and will probably be able to learn in just a few weeks without any difficulty.
There are some suggestions for helping your children to begin reading, when they are ready, at the page about introducing reading.
Struggles with arithmetic?
If your child struggles with basic arithmetic, buy him a calculator and show him how to use it. Make sure he understands how to cope with everyday problems - dealing with money, sharing out food, doubling recipes, measuring... and how to use the calculator to find the results.
Estimation is a very useful skill, which young children can learn easily with everyday discussion and toys such as Lego bricks. But how many of us need to know how to do complex long division or multiplication of fractions? If your child enjoys such things, wonderful. If not, why worry? If you feel children really 'should' understand maths, you might like to browse my articles about introducing maths, relaxed ways of talking about fractions, and even beginning algebra with young children.
But if it all seems too daunting, leave it alone. When your children need maths concepts, they'll ask. Beyond basic literacy and numeracy - which will be acquired sooner or later, to some degree - is there anything your child really NEEDS to know? No. Will he be an ignorant adult if he has never been 'taught' anything? No. How much do you remember of your high school geography or algebra or chemistry? Unless you happen to use these skills in your adult life, the answer is probably 'very little'.
Learning how to learn
At some point you learned HOW to learn, and you learned how to research and find things out (although these days many schooled teenagers seem to learn how not to learn, and to emerge from school disillusioned, hating anything remotely educational). But you could have learned these life skills just as well if you were absorbed in a study of whatever happened to be your passion - whether model planes, or European insects, or soccer.
We all learn best when we are internally motivated.
Several adults say that they learned most from being involved in school dramatic productions, or taking part in the orchestra, or a sports team. These were activities they chose for themselves, rather than activities they were required to do as part of the school curriculum. Home educated children who are free to follow their own interests are usually far more eager to learn, and far more able to learn, than those who are expected to follow a set curriculum.
Structured courses for home educators?
Does this mean that I don't agree with any kind of structured learning? By no means. Many children choose to follow a particular course, perhaps taking music lessons, or joining a sports team, or learning a foreign language by a formal method. Teenagers often choose to follow courses to take diplomas or exams which will equip them for their chosen careers, or for university entrance. Some even choose to go to school because they like the set lessons and planned structure. But the significant point is that they choose these things for themselves, rather than being coerced into them.
I see education very much as 'opening doors'. My children will discover most doors by themselves, but I do feel some sort of obligation at least to show them the existence of others, and perhaps a peep of what lies beyond. Not everyone will do this - it really is up to each family to determine what is appropriate.
The Education Act in the UK is very open and gives lots of freedom to home educating parents, but it does say that parents must provide an education 'appropriate to age, ability and aptitude'. If by playing with Barbies, or lego, or whatever, our children are clearly fulfilled and gaining education of some variety, then fine. The warning signs come if they're frequently bored, or at a loose end, or appear not to be learning anything. If this happens then it's probably a good idea to give a bit of direct input. At least until they gain the maturity to find their own interests. But as each family is unique, this will happen in different ways for everyone.
Eclectic learning
A mixture of parent-initiated education, child-led learning, educational books and web-sites and some outside lessons seems to be the one which has worked best in our family. A few years ago we started a structured diploma course - at my sons' choosing - so that they could gain some qualifications. Direct academic topics often tie in well with things they have already read or discovered elsewhere. I haven't expected them to do written work unless they wanted to, although the course requires quite an amount of writing. This is not a problem for them, as it was their decision to follow it. Academic work doesn't necessarily lead them on to projects or research or anything exciting, but it gives them an overview of what other children are learning in schools - and is interesting for me too.
This may not be the pattern that works for anyone else, but it's what developed for us over some years. What we did when they were older teenagers bears little relation to how we started, and our style evolved as the boys grew and matured, and developed more specific interests towards their chosen careers. More importantly, perhaps, I don't know anyone else whose home education was exactly the same as ours. Yours too will be your own.
There's no need to follow anyone else's philosophy - whether using a formal curriculum, or fully autonomous child-led learning, or any combination. What you need to do is what is right for your family, changing and adapting as your children grow up and express new interests. We often took a detour when my sons asked questions about things - from Newton's laws to the politics of Kosovo - but they rarely led on to anything deeper than an hour or so of discussion, and a little research. What my sons did learn was that there is no limit to what they can understand, if only they want to know.
What about the bad days?
And yes, we had bad days too... but I tried to listen, and find out what caused the problem, and either let the boys find their own solutions or suggest something different. No two days are ever the same, and frustrations and squabbles are all part of family life.
Home education can be a wonderful adventure but it will be your personal family adventure, undertaken for your own reasons, for the sake of your unique children. So listen to them, be aware of their needs, take them seriously. Not only will they have an education suitable for their own personalities and interests, but they will be movitated and eager to learn, and you will end up with an excellent relationship with them.
Further reading: educating eclectically, de-schooling, taking the plunge, home educators' blogs