Children plan their own goals
My children work harder now than they did before, and without the moaning and complaining. The difference is that they make their own goals, not that they do what they 'feel like' doing. For example, we sat down last Thursday and decided what we each wanted to learn and complete (projects) this week. We made a timetable. First we put in the definite arrangements, like cricket, volunteer cadet corps, ballet, etc. Then we scheduled in some other sport activities like tennis, squash, swimming, cycling and evening walks. Next came art and craft. After that we looked at what time we had left and I showed them the importance of scheduling your work and not wasting time. Each day we marked what subjects or projects we wanted to do, including my own study.
They thoroughly enjoyed learning to set goals (again! we do this often) and arrange their own schedule. This, to me, is more likely to be what they need to learn for the future. I was controlled by external bells and whistles and had to learn to schedule my time properly, and be responsible for the work that I do.
Learning to take responsibility
T wanted to free his afternoons for computer strategy games and relaxing, but soon saw that time was limited and he may have to work on his project some afternoons in order to meet his goals. I am extremely proud of him and his work ethic. He was a child that loved schedules and the external control of school bells which kept him on track. Now he is learning to do this himself. We agreed that there would be no computer until he had done the 'work' that he had set himself.
Although he learns from the computer, and it has inspired him to study all sorts of things, it is important that he learns to do what is 'required' in order to meet his responsibilities or personal study goals before he does what he 'feels' like at any given moment. The feeling of success and achievement at the end of the day when we all put a tick next to completed tasks, and the feeling of frustration when we cross those we didn't manage, is a learning process that is really valuable.
So, yes, they learn to work. But more importantly they learn to take responsibility for that work and accept the consequences of it not being done. In this case the consequences may only be another week on a project they dearly want to see finished, or it may be no computer time because the work wasn't done. It may only be a sense of personal failure (not a bad thing, we learn from failure more than from success!) and a determination to try harder the next day.
T came down to breakfast yesterday and told me he had already spent a half an hour on his project and another half hour on his biology. Coming from a child who likes his sleep and only wakes up after 11am (not literally, just mentally!). If I schedule work he complains and it is a battle. Left to take responsibility, he is growing and learning and working well.
Training for adult responsibility
Adults choose what to do with their lives. People choose to do their jobs well, or stay home on benefits, nobody forces them. They have to take responsibility for themselves. It is unfortunate that so many people have no sense of responsibility because somebody has always told them what to do. Once released from school they don't know what it means to be reliable, responsible, mature, and be accountable to themselves for their own future. Too many people still rely on the State instead of themselves. As adults they learn the hard way, by getting fired from their job, for example!
Hopefully we, as home educators, can point our children in a direction they will enjoy. Life is so much more pleasant when your work is also your interest and hobby. Either way, even in something you do enjoy there are times when we are bored or don't feel like doing it. For example, M has his sights set on being a fighter pilot or an engineer, and is determined to learn maths as he knows he will need this for his chosen career. Perhaps he will want to be something else by the time he is 17, but for now he diligently works at his maths, with no complaints. He now feels that he is responsible and in control of his own future, and feels it is his choice to work hard. He takes science books to bed and is prepared to do a lot more research, because he knows it is up to him to make something of his life.
Learning can't be forced
You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. When I did scheduled lessons with M he did them but retained nothing. But we're all different. T retained a lot from his scheduled lessons, and so did C. They all enjoy taking responsibility for themselves a lot more, and I am amazed at their determination and work ethic. The best part is that they no longer complain about doing their chores. A simple request is all that is needed and they willingly do it. They are learning not to rely on me to get them ready for their activities, but look at the schedule and keep an eye on the time themselves.
The first main thing, from my point of view is that they need to learn responsibility. It can be learned through following their own schedule and being accountable, or by asking me to please schedule it into our day and remind them, or maintain order for them by stopping them from being side-tracked. Either way, it is their choice and they are taking responsibility. When it is because they have seen the necessity for learning and really want to learn, then it doesn't matter what method they find works best for them, as long as they see it as their choice and not some external force at work pushing them to do something they see no point in.
Fewer complaints
Also, the greatest advantage to me is that now if there is a groan or two (and we all feel reluctant to do what we are meant to be doing sometimes) I know it is just because at that precise moment they would prefer to put it off for a while. Previously the moans were also because they didn't like what they had to do and saw little point in it sometimes. The more I pushed the worse it became. I took their complaints personally and got angry at their attitudes. Now they appreciate my getting involved and helping them to schedule their day, keeping them on track. It is easy for me to just say "fine, don't do it .. your loss". They don't like that, so they don't push me that far and the groans are good-natured, especially when we all agree we really don't feel like it, but we will anyway!
Desire to learn by following interests
The second, but just as important, thing is they need to want to learn and they should be allowed to follow their interests. It hasn't been easy to find this path and we adjust as we go along .. lest anybody thinks it sounds too perfect to be true! There have been times when one or more of them didn't seem interested in learning anything and I panicked and started forcing things onto them again. There are also times when I wonder if it is "enough" - usually only until I speak to a school going child of the same age, when I find myself amazed at how little they actually learn in school. They may do a LOT more, but they know a LOT less.
There are other times when my children want to go to school "for a while" to see what it is like and I find myself contemplating the idea. There are advantages to school, limited thought they might be. T needs a special friend more than anything right now, having left his best friend behind when we moved, but says there is "no way" he is going to school just for a friend. He would rather work harder at finding other ways of making friends. The other two are attracted to the idea of working with loads of other kids, the buzz and activity school affords. They would put up with the disadvantages to experience this. It is tempting, I want them to be happy. It would mean more time to myself .. and that is where I stop, realising my motives would probably be selfish. I read some literature and remind myself of the advantages of HE. I remind the children why we are doing this. We all agree school would probably be a bad idea.
Gayle Joubert, Spring 1999
Other approaches to home
education:
Heather - Henrietta
-
Jane - Kathie
- Paula
- Sue